Amnesia
by ShiraiyukiRG
Summary: Tesla admired Nnoitra so much he became his fracción. Despite him being as he was, Tesla was glad he could serve him. Over the years Tesla's feelings towards the man had grew. He was so in love with the espada he sometimes fell into despair when he remembered his master's nature and realized he'd never be loved. What if he forgot? Nnoitra would have to remind him... [M]
1. Chapter 1

**Amnesia**

Chapter 1:

Nnoitra was a sadistic and vicious man. Tesla knew that. It didn't matter to him. He was still his master and he would always admire the arrancar's incessant wish for battle.

That was what Tesla felt for Nnoitra, admiration. He couldn't afford to feel anything else. He couldn't have a relantionship with him based on any other feelings… Yet he still felt them. Every time he saw the demon-like warrior everything felt warmer, more peaceful, more relaxing. Even if he ended up being Nnoitra's punching bag at the end of the day, Tesla didn't care. As long as the man's heart didn't belong to anyone else he'd be happy even if one day the espada was too pissed off and ended up killing him.

But lately there was a knot growing on Tesla's stomach. He could feel it tightening with every turn in his path. Las Noches had become a love nest. Well, technically it wasn't really _love_. It was just one of Szayel Aporro's failed experiments that had released a gas that increased the libido of everyone with spiritual energy of espada-level or above.

The fifth espada wasn't exactly prude, he already slept around a lot but now it'd gotten worse. Every night it'd been a new woman, but ever since he tasted Apache from Tier Harribel's fracción he couldn't get enough of her. And it was every night, all night and sometimes in the afternoon too.

It was happening to everyone, except for a few more controlled ones, as Ulquiorra, Harribel, Barragan and Aizen. Other than that, everyone else, including non-espada had become completely obsessed with sex!

Tesla admitted he too had felt 'uneasy' in the first few weeks after the gas incident. But he was Nnoitra's fracción! He wasn't going to let a physical desire get in the way of serving his master!

It was easy for him to suppress his physical desires when it wasn't those who made a mess of his thoughts. Tesla tried to stop his feelings to grow but it was useless. If he had to choose someone out of Hueco Mundo, Soul Society and the Human World, he would always choose Nnoitra. He loved him. He couldn't help but love him! But he didn't want sex! Well, he wouldn't mind, but that wasn't what mattered the most to him. He didn't want much; he didn't need much. A kind word, a 'good job' or something like that once in a awhile… No. What was he thinking? Nnoitra wasn't that kind of guy, and Tesla knew that. He accepted it when they first met. It hadn't bothered him one bit back then but now times had changed. Tesla had changed. He wasn't like that anymore. His feelings for Nnoitra had changed him. God, if the espada knew what Tesla thought he'd kill him right there on the spot, but he couldn't help it!

A tear streamed down Tesla's left eye as he leaned against the wall, watching Nnoitra spar with Grimmjow. The two espada weren't what you called friends but if you thought about their personalities you could see undeniable resemblances (of course both of them would deny it if anyone dared to say that).

"Can't you do better than that, Cat!?" Nnoitra swung Santa Teresa towards Grimmjow almost cutting the sixth's arm off.

"Shut up, Spoon-Head!" Grimmjow ducked another attack, grabbing the scythe's chain, releasing a cero on Nnoitra.

…

When they finally stopped, they were both on their knees. Nnoitra wanted more, more of that deadly, breath-taking dance that was battle. But more than that he wanted what expected him in his room, naked in his bed. Apache could be a bitch, but she was _his_ bitch now.

He remembered after the gas explosion he couldn't even see straight. He just wanted to fuck everything that moved. Then he saw Apache. She was always a bitch to everybody but when Nnoitra ripped her clothes off she didn't gave it a second thought. _'What a slut.' _He only wanted her for that. She was boring. If she was a little more submissive like… Well, like Tesla… But, why was he thinking about Tesla!? Ugh, now he didn't feel like it anymore.

"Hey Tesla!" He shouted at his fracción.

"Yes, Nnoitra-sama?" Tesla sonidoed to meet him.

…

"Tell Apache to go." He ordered.

_'Tell her to go?'_ What did he mean? Tesla wondered. Did he mean he didn't want to touch her tonight?

"Nnoitra-sama?" Somehow that thought made Tesla stomach feel less tight.

"NOW!"

"As you wish." He hurried back to his master's room, using sonido.

The effects of the gas was already going out, so maybe Nnoitra was finally realizing Apache was unworthy of him and would finally stop sleeping with her!

It was small, but it was still hope, and Tesla needed some hope right now.

He knocked on the door. From inside he heard a feminine voice laughing "It's your room you don't need to knock to come in!"

"It's Tesla, Apache-san. Nnoitra-sama asked me to tell you to leave."

"Leave!?" The door slammed open and a half-naked Apache appeared with a sneer on her face. "What do you mean leave!?"

"That was what Nnoitra-sama told me." He replied expressionless.

"That bastard! Does he think he can just blow me off like that!? I'm not his whore!" She snapped.

What was this woman thinking!? _'Did she think Nnoitra-sama had feelings for her!?' _Tesla had to abstain himself from laughing in Apache's face for having such a ridiculous idea. Of course he didn't!? Nnoitra was one of Aizen's espada. He would never have feelings for her, a fracción.

The thought of him, liking someone like her made Tesla sick to his stomach. He couldn't like someone like her, he couldn't! He couldn't!

_'He couldn't, right?'_

Tesla felt tears forming in his eyes and closed his eyes hard to keep them from coming out. He felt a knot forming in his throat smothering him. He clenched his fists trying to stop the shaking of his hands. He was being overwhelmed by confusion and anger.

If Nnoitra could like her, then why couldn't he like him!? He was much more worthy of him than her! He understood Nnoitra better than anyone. Why didn't he see it!?

"Hey asshole!? Are you listening to me!?" Apache shook him, bringing him back to his master's room. This was happening more and more often lately. The feelings and doubts he suppressed were coming back. Sometimes the despair would grab him and wouldn't release him for minutes, hours even. He had to keep it together! How could he be a good fracción if he couldn't even manage his own emotions!?

Tesla stared at the wall behind Apache. He couldn't look at her, not right now.

"Nnoitra-sama just told me you had to leave his room. I don't know anything, please leave." He tried to sound as calm and controlled as possible.

"I'm not leaving!?I am not his little whore! He cannot boss me around like that. I'm going to make sure he understands this relantionship doesn't work that way!?"

_'Relantionship!?' _Couldn't she realize that that was exactly what she was!? Nnoitra didn't see her as anything else..._ 'He couldn't!' _Tesla assured himself.

"Leave, now." Tesla looked directly into her eyes, and Apache looked back. Their spiritual power wavered around them, clashing against each other making the room heavier and cracking the walls.

"I said I'm not leaving!" She yelled.

…

_'What the hell?'_ Nnoitra wondered as he entered his area and felt two distinct spiritual energies in the air. It was Tesla and Apache. But it felt strange. One of them was drenched in a deep hatred and sorrow…

Nnoitra sonioed up to his room. Apache and Tesla were glaring at each other. Why was Apache still there? He especifically told Tesla he wanted her gone. So, why was she there!?

"WHAT THE HELL, TESLA!?" The blond looked at him perplexed. NNoitra ignored him, walked up the woman and grabbed her neck.

"Nnoitra, I-"

"SHUT UP AND LEAVE BEFORE I BREAK YOUR NECK!" Nnoitra threw her against the wall. Coughing up blood, slowly and supporting herself on the wall Apache left, sneering.

…

Tesla watched Nnoitra slam Apache against the wall and felt fear. Nnoitra didn't like it when people disobeyed him, even though he technically hadn't disobeyed him. Of course that didn't matter to Nnoitra. Tesla was done either way.

"Nnoitra-sama, I am very, very sorry but-"

"I don't care!?" He was cut off when Nnoitra punched his stomach so hard this time he broke a hole in the wall, landing on Las Noches' desert.

For a few seconds Tesla felt in peace, there was only blue above him. It didn't matter if it was artificial, it was there and it was beautiful.

Then Nnoitra jumped down.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

His whole body hurt. Especially his head. According to the nurse that was normal _considering_.

They said he had been lucky to even wake up. Apparently, his espada (AND apparently he was someone's fracción too!) had beaten him out of a whim and left him to bleed out. Because he was that kind of person.

Tesla wondered who his master was. The last thing he remembered was having tea in his room after a day of training - they told him that had happened years before. Who was his master? Was he that a bad of a fracción that he deserved a beating like this!?

Aizen came the day he woke up. He told him he would be assigned as to a new espada. To the fourth espada, Ulquiorra Schiffer.

Later came his new master, Ulquiorra.

_"Hello, my name is Ulquiorra Schiffer. Aizen-sama, told me you are my new fracción. What is your name?"_

_"My name is Tesla Lindocruz, Ulquiorra-sama."_

_"I didn't have a fracción because I didn't need or desired one. I am taking you only because Aizen-sama asked me to. I want that to be clear."_

_"Yes, Ulquiorra-sama."_

_"Also I strongly suggest you don't have any more contact with Nnoitra. You are of no use to me dead."_

_"Sir, if I may ask… Do you mean Nnoitra Gilga? Why would I have any contact with the eighth espada?"_

_"Did nobody tell you? Nnoitra is the fifth espada now, and you were his fracción."_

He couldn't believe Ulquiorra's words. He was _that_ guy's fracción!? The little he knew about Nnoitra Gilga, he knew from rumors he heard from his fellow Números. He'd never even seen the guy! He was a psychotic, bloodthirsty maniac who was obsessed with being the strongest. The man was a walking menace! Why, why would he be HIS fráccion!? Tesla couldn't understand his own choices. Maybe it was for the best that he forgot. He could start fresh with a new master. Yeah. That sounded nice.

Tesla slowly sat up, grunting in pain. He took a look at himself. His legs were bandaged, his arms too; his upper body hurt but they said he didn't need any bandages there. _'It's not that bad'_ he thought.

He had woken up three days before, which was four days after the… _incident_ (how Aizen called it) and he was supposed to stay another three days. It wasn't that much time, _considering._ (The nurses used that word so much Tesla was starting to get caught up by it too).

Tesla turned to face the door at his right as he heard it squeaking loudly.

There was a lanky, seven foot tall guy at the door. He had straight long black hair hanging past his shoulders and a white eye patch over his left eye. He wore a slightly modified arrancar jacket with a heart-shaped 'V' neck and a spoon-like hood. On the lower body, he wore the standard hakama with black curved boots.

Tesla noticed he didn't look very happy. Actually, he looked like he was depressed about something (but also extremely pissed).

"Hum… Hello, who are you?" Tesla tried asking.

"You really don't remember anything, Tesla?" The man asked with a thick voice.

…

"Yes… Hum… Sir? Have we met before?"

_'His voice sounds the same.'_ It was like his memories were still there.  
Nnoitra couldn't believe he had him that strongly for him to lose his memories but then again his memories of that day were a bit clouded.

"Yeah. My name is Nnoitra Gilga." The second he heard those words Tesla became paler. This definitely wasn't the Tesla he knew. The Tesla he knew didn't even flinch when he raised a hand to throw him against the nearest wall. The Tesla he knew was always calm, always followed his orders and always had a hint of a smile on his face. This wasn't Tesla anymore…

…

The espada sonioed to his bedside. Tesla was paralyzed looking wide-eyed at him. _'What does he want? Did he come here to finish the job!?'_

Nnoitra pinned Tesla to the bed, grabbing both of his wrists with one hand. Then, espada was on top of him. Underneath the giant, Tesla struggled to get free but it was useless.

Nnoitra leaned down "I'm going to make you remember." He whispered touching Tesla's ear with his lips, nibbling it. Tesla moaned. The black-haired man started kissing and licking his neck, up and down. Tesla squirmed underneath him. His body felt different… Different than he'd ever felt before. He knew it somehow, even without his memories. It was strange but he didn't want him to stop.

"Please stop… Nnoitra-san." Nnoitra ran a hand down his chest to his lower body. He put his hand inside the blond's pants, moving up and down, making Tesla moan loudly. His entire body felt hot, burning, where Nnoitra touched.

"Why? You're liking it…" Still moving his hand, Nnoitra moved his mouth from Tesla's neck to his nipple. Licking it, sucking it, making Tesla writhe.

"Aahh!" Tesla moaned even louder. "Shhh… You don't want anyone to come in and see you like this, do you?" Tesla certainly didn't want that.

Suddenly Nnoitra turned Tesla on his back and ripped his pants off.

"Wa- Wait! Please! Stop it!" He pleaded, tears streaming down his eyes.

"Shhh.. Didn't I tell you? I'm going to make you remember me." Nnoitra undressed, quickly thrusting himself inside Tesla.

Tesla felt his insides being torn apart as Nnoitra thrust himself inside Tesla faster and rougher by the minute, going deeper and deeper inside of him. Every time Nnoitra moved Tesla felt like someone was stabbing him. After a while Tesla, felt Nnoitra throb inside of him and then a warm liquid filled him up inside.

…

When it was over Nnoitra turned Tesla again. He wanted to see his expression. The smaller man covered his face with both of his hands. Nnoitra grabbed his wrists and spread them leaning down on him, his face hovering above the blond's.

"Fuck" Nnoitra muttered.

Tesla was…

Tesla was crying…

He'd never seen him cry. No matter what he did to him… He never cried. What the fuck!? He'd done worse than this to him, right!? This type of torture was slightly different than what he used to do but… Why was he crying!? Wasn't he an M? Nnoitra always assumed Tesla was like that… To come back to him with the same calm expression and never complaining no matter what he did to him… At first he said he admired him… But it couldn't be just that, right? _'Right?'_

Nnoitra used his most powerful sonido to get away from that room as fast as possible. He was too pissed to stay in Las Noches… Nothing could stop his rampage now; _nobody_ could stop his rampage now…


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Hi, so if anyone actually read through the whole fic I just want to say thank you, because I know it's not very good. Englsih is my second language but I try to be as fluent as possible!

Also about the second chapter, I'm not used to writing that kind of scenes, this was the first time.

Reviews are welcomed, needed and appreciated, Thank you.

In overall I don't really mind that this fic isn't as good as I wanted it to be because I really enjoyed writing it.

**Enjoy the last chapter :3**

* * *

Chapter 3

Tesla had been Ulquiorra's fracción for two months now and things were quiet. Ulquiorra didn't ask much of him, there was the occasional 'Deliver that to…' but it was mostly the 'Bring me some tea' in which Tesla could pick the flavor. It was a pretty dull job, although there was something he found interesting and almost amusing. When having to chose between, God knows how many arrancars, Aizen mostly picked Ulquiorra. Sometimes Aizen would even ask Ulquiorra to have tea with him, while they discussed conquering-Hueco-Mundo-and-Soul-Society plans. Aizen had his commanders, Ichimaru and Tousen but for some reason he chose Ulquiorra. And Tesla wasn't the only one who noticed it. Most of the tenants of Las Noches feared Ulquiorra deeply not only for his power but also for his attitude alone. Some were too scared to even look at him!

Tesla liked that. Having a powerful master had its benefits. People didn't bother him, scared of what Ulquiorra might do (even though the espada wouldn't even lift a finger if he was killed). It was a good life; it could be a little more interesting in his opinion but good nonetheless.

Salia's voice brought him back to reality. The skinny messenger girl stared at Tesla.

"Hum… Hi, do you need anything?"

"Yes. Aizen-sama has ordered me to inform you that Ulquiorra is to meet him in the meeting room tomorrow at 8 o'clock." She had a monotonous voice that together with her grim green eyes made her look notoriously dull. _'She'd probably get along with Ulquiorra-sama'_ He tried not to laugh.

"Rest assured I will inform Ulquiorra-sama."

"Good." She walked past him and went down the stairs.

…

Hueco Mundo was colder than he remembered. Outside of Las Noches everything was more… dead. He had started to feel like that recently… There wasn't anything to do anymore…

Thinking about Las Noches, he hadn't been there for a few weeks, and the Forest of Menos felt more welcoming now than it did when he was an adjuchas. The adjuchas were good prey, they could be better, but he wasn't complaining.

…

Tesla arrived at Ulquiorra's private chambers. He was about to knock on the door when it flung open.

"What is it?" His master inquired.

"Aizen-sama wants you in the meeting room tomorrow at 8 o'clock."

"I see. You can go now. I won't need you until tomorrow at 8 so you can go and do whatever you do in your free time." Ulquiorra said.

"Thank you, Ulquiorra-sama." Tesla bowed to his master.

…

Tesla was outside the meeting room. The clock marked 8:08 a.m. They'd been inside for eight minutes now. Tesla realized he probably didn't need to be there, Ulquiorra rarely needed him for mission-related things.

There was low squeaky sound and he stared at the opening door. He bowed to the King of Las Noches who, with his everlasting smile, walked away without even looking at him. Then his master came out. He had the same grim expression as always.

"Tesla, I'm glad you're here that saves me the trouble of calling you. Aizen-sama didn't have a mission for me. He had one for _you_." That didn't sound right. Aizen never wanted anything with fraccións. And the fact that the fourth didn't look bothered at all by that fact was making him nervous. What could Aizen possibly want with him? "It appears Nnoitra hasn't been in Las Noches in awhile."

_'Oh' _The mention of the fifth's name sent chills down his spine. He'd been able to keep him almost entirely out of his thoughts but, he remembered almost everything now. He remembered how he was always his punching bag; how even if he followed Nnoitra's every order he'd still get thrown into a wall…. He remembered how he felt towards his master, although the feelings themselves hadn't come back. He felt graceful for that. He couldn't believe his own memories. How could he be so stupid as to think Nnoitra would ever care about anyone other than himself!?

He didn't want anything to do with him! But he had to do it. Ulquiorra would kill him. On top of that, it was Aizen who had ordered it. So even if Nnoitra or Ulquiorra didn't kill him, Tousen Kaname or maybe Tier Harribel would. It was the King after all.

"Our sources confirm that he's in the Forest of Menos. This is bothering Aizen-sama. He wants his espada home. Now. So you are going to bring him back, Aizen-sama thinks he might respond better if it's you. Do you understand?"

"Ye- Yes, Ulquiorra-sama." He bowed with his clenched fist to his heart

What was he supposed to do? He couldn't say no, but the 'yes' felt like a lie. He _had to_ do it. It was either that or death. Maybe he would just beat him. Tesla didn't want to beaten to death but it sounded better than _that_.

Tesla walked to the gates of Las Noches. Suddenly the gates opened. The two female arrancars, Loly and Menoly entered. From what he knew they were just Números, but unlike anyone he'd ever met, they were rotten to the core. Especially Loly.

"Hey Tesla, we heard you're gonna bring back Nnoitra. Hope the bastard doesn't cut you much, 'heard he's in a really bad mood. I also heard he already killed most of the adjuchas. Good luck!" She burst out laughing. "You're gonna need it!"

He ignored the unnecessary comment. He didn't her to tell him Nnoitra was in a bad mood. When was he in a good one!?

…

The Forest was big and looked the same, no matter where you looked at. The crystal trees were hard and thick and went all the way to the surface, to the dead desert of Hueco Mundo.

As a servant of Aizen, Runuganga the sand hollow opened a whole in the ground to let Tesla go to the Forest. Normally the sand hollow wouldn't have appeared but Tesla assured him, Aizen had ordered him to go there and the faster he could complete his mission the better.

The Forest of Menos was a loathsome place. Death was its only constant tenant. Tesla found it surprisingly desert. A few gilian roamed around but besides from that no hollow was in sight. From what he could remember of the place from his hollow years, it was a constant battlefield. There the strong thrived and the weak perished. Now that he was an arrancar even the strong trembled in fear. He had accomplished what they could not. He had received a gift from the King.

It didn't take him long to find the espada. He's spiritual energy marked a big 'x' where he was.

He sat on the ground, leaning against a rock, his large zanpakuto at his side. Tesla walked up to him, keeping a relatively safe distance.

"Nnoitra-san, I've been ordered by Aizen-sama to bring you back to Las Noches." At first it didn't seem like he'd heard him as he hadn't reacted whatsoever to his words, so he tried again. "I've been ordered-"

"Why should I? It's boring there." He interrupted, not looking at the blond.

"Please Nnoitra-san, I have orders from Aizen-sama. If you don't come with me, the next person who comes will probably be Ulquiorra-sama."

"Why did Aizen send you when he could've just send Ulquiorra in the first place, then?" Tesla wasn't sure he should answer. If he told him the reason why Aizen sent him it would be the same as saying Nnoitra cared about him – which he most certainly did not. "Answer."

Nnoitra turned his gaze to him. Tesla froze on the place.

"Ai- Aizen-sama sent me because he- he though you would respond better to me– me." Nnoitra's expression revealed nothing. If he was pissed and about to kill him, Tesla wouldn't see it coming.

Nnoitra just looked at the sky this time. Although calling it 'sky' would be a lie since technically it was the ground.

"Come here." He patted on the ground next to him.

Tesla was unsure of what to do. Of _what_ would happen to him if he did.

"Come on, I won't bite." Tesla walked to him, but didn't sit.

…

Nnoitra grabbed Tesla's wrist and pulled him down to his side. The blond struggled, desperate to get away but he wouldn't let go of him.

"Nnoitra-san…"

"Shhh…"

Nnoitra looked deep into Tesla's teary eyes for a minute before the blond looked down. Tesla's whole body shook, he stared at the wrist that was in his grip.

His hands were much bigger than Tesla's. In his hand the fracción's wrist looked like a twig.

It was a while before anyone spoke. Minutes, an hour, two hours… Time passed differently there, or maybe it just passed slower because no one was talking. He wasn't sure.

"Listen to me Tesla." He stared at the void in front of him. "I want you to be my fracción again."

"I'm- I'm sorry, Nnoi- Nnoitra-san." He took a deep breath trying to calm himself (with little effect). "But I'm- I'm Ulquiorra-sama's fracción now."

"If you become my fracción again no one will even lay a finger on you, I'll make sure of that."

"I ca- can't." Tears streamed down from his eyes.

"No one will touch you, unless you want them to. _No one_." Nnoitra looked straight into Tesla's eyes, loosed his grip on the blond's wrist, but kept his hand on it.

"I can't, I'm sorry." Tesla sonidoed to his original position, away from Nnoitra.

"I have orders to bring you back to Las Noches. Please, Nnoitra-san."

"I wish you'd remember Tesla." He stared at the void again.

"I do remember, Nnoitra-san. I wish I didn't. But I do." Tesla rubbed his sore wrist. "Now, will you please come back to Las Noches with me."

"Fine."

…

The way back to Las Noches was a silent one. He really couldn't understand the man. One minute he was a violent animal who beat him and raped him on a whim and the next he was calm as… as… Well, as Ulquiorra. Was Nnoitra succumbing to what he was? To despair? _'Is this what despair looks like?' _He sighted.

What good would this bring him? What would become of his life? Was he going back to his sadistic self or was he going to keep this dead look on his face? Tesla honestly didn't know why he cared… No, he didn't care… He couldn't… Right? The man had verbally and physically abused him over the years! He even dropped to another level when he sexually abused him! What was wrong with him!? Why did he care about such a… a… He couldn't even call him person!? Probably because that didn't apply to Nnoitra! Nnoitra was a beast, a demon, a monster!?

Yet, he could tell he still cared. Why?_ 'What the hell is wrong with me?' _He sighted again.

Tesla shook himself back to reality. There was no point in thinking about that now… He should just focus in bringing him back to Las Noches so he could go back to his peaceful life. He didn't care about how dull it was anymore. At least it didn't involve Nnoitra.

…

He wasn't sure why he was going back to Las Noches. That place didn't really interest him anymore. In fact almost nothing interested him anymore… _Almost_ no one interested him anymore…

There was another option, though. One that Nnoitra had shot down many times in the weeks he'd been away from Las Noches… Maybe it was him. Maybe it was Tesla that made Las Noches interesting. Maybe it was Tesla that made killing weaklings interesting. If Tesla wasn't there to watch, then to who else would he show he was the strongest…

Nnoitra was going to consider it for a minute. For just one minute he'd consider it and then he would go back to believing it was ridiculous. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it could be slightly true… _'No.'_ He shook his head. That couldn't be possible, right?

…

The enormous gate opened. Aizen was expecting them.

"Hello Nnoitra, how nice of you to return home. We were getting worried." Tesla bowed to the man, glimpsing at Nnoitra. His expression remained the same. No murderous rage, no nothing. It was starting to freak him out.

He didn't say anything to Aizen, and just walked right past him.

"Tesla, good job. You can go now." The King turned his back on Tesla and walked away.

…

Tesla closed his door's room. Aizen's words echoed in his head. '…Good job…' It was probably the first time he heard them but they sounded familiar somehow…

He leaned against the wall, sitting on his bed, his arms wrapped around his knees. His whole body shook; his heartbeat raced threatening to burst out of his chest. He could feel his warm tears falling on his knees.

Why was this happening!? _What_ was happening!?

He'd had that feeling before. He knew it. There was a knot in his throat, tightening, suffocating him. He took deep breaths but the feeling wasn't going away. He felt like he was going to be sick. _'What is this? Why am I feeling like this?' _Images popped into his head, memories… The rest of them… He remembered _everything_ now…

With a creaking sound his door flung open.

"Nnoitra-sama, what is happening to me!?" His voice was croaky. The espada looked at him and Tesla could swear he saw a spark in his eyes and a hint of a smile on his face.

Nnoitra moved quickly to Tesla's side.

"Is this some kind of punishment?" It came out as a whisper.

"No, that's despair." Nnoitra stared at the opposite wall.

"Despair?" Despair… That was Nnoitra's aspect of death, wasn't it? Did he feel like this all the time? Was this what Nnoitra felt like? No, it couldn't be... It couldn't be, right? How could anyone live like this!?

"Nnoi- Nnoitra-sama, I'm so sorry!" Tesla sobbed.

…

Nnoitra stared at him blankly. It wasn't his fault, why was Tesla apologizing?

Nnoitra smiled to himself and put an arm around Tesla's shoulders pulling him towards his chest. That was a stupid question. It was Tesla. He apologized because he cared. Because he cared about _him._

"I know." Nnoitra finally said.


End file.
